Recharged.

I think I've been letting myself suffer for the past few days. Since Thursday, I feel like I've been in constant motion. It's tiring. I've been doing nothing to keep myself... levelheaded. No writing (except for here), no reading, no painting, no relaxing... I've been really tense.

Earlier tonight, I went into my bedroom, turned on my desk lamp, got out my art journal, paint, brushes, and incense. I lit that shit up (haha, sounds weird!) and started painting and was instantly soothed. It was nice. I felt a little off-beat at first, though, with the painting, but eventually got back into it nicely. I actually did a few pages that have become favorites. I might post pictures later. Anyway, I've only got 9 more pages to go before it is full and I can use it, but I might save it until my other journal is full. Don't know.

So I guess I know what to do now, when I'm feeling shitty for no explainable reason... which happens pretty often? Hmmmm.


Oh, today, when I woke up (at 4:30 pm), my mother told me that a doctor had called. I forget what their name was, for some reason, I want to say... Dr. Murphy? Huh. I don't know. Anyway, a new psychiatrist. I don't know if I want that. I see a woman right now who... I don't really like, but I can handle. She doesn't try to force me to try medications I don't think are right for me, she gives me what helps me (in a very low dose, but at least I'm getting it), and I don't have to tell her my "story".

God, that has to be the worst part. Having to go over everything that has ever happened, everything that has brought you to where you are today. I don't want to do that again. I can't even count how many times I've done it before. I've had so many fucking doctors. I don't want a new one, uggggghhhhhhhhh. Leave me alone.

I told my mother I would go, just to see what she is like. I have an appointment with my other psychiatrist less than a week later, and if things don't work out with the new doctor, I will stay with my current one.

Medical stuff sucks.

But I feel good right now. Good good good. I think.