It is officially October!

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes! FINALLY!

I've never enjoyed September. Or, at least, not since 9/11. I didn't take notice of September until then. The only month that mattered to me then was November (because of my birthday, but it remains my favorite month, thanks to the addition of two other birthdays, my newfound love for family get-togethers on Thanksgiving, and this year, the presidential election! Not that I'll be able to vote or anything... I'll be 16 days away from legal. It is total bullshit, and I am OUTRAGED! >=O). I remember 9/11 very clearly, though. I was in 5th grade, sitting in my classroom, 9 am, reading a book while the other kids screamed and played and finished late homework, while our teacher was on the phone, head bowed, having a quiet, rushed conversation with someone. She looked frightened, I noticed. I didn't see her pull the television set from the closet, due to having my nose in a book, but I heard the coverage and my head shot up. I'd never even heard of the World Trade Centers before that day, I hadn't heard of Al Qaeda, but it was completely obvious, even to me, that something was horribly wrong. The entire room fell silent, all of my classmates and I peering at the television screen, trying to figure out what had happened. Mrs. White, our teacher, didn't bother speaking. She just watched the news coverage with an unmasked expression of horror on her face.

Turns out, someone she knew worked in the first tower. They got out fine, luckily. I didn't learn this until years later, when I went back to my old elementary school to visit her. Somehow, this came up in our conversation, and I told her how I remembered that day. I think, even at that age (when I went back to visit her, 14 or 15), I still didn't fully grasp what had happened, how many lives had been lost, and what it meant to the country.

I think that this was the year that I was finally made aware. Maybe not fully. I think it is still a hard and confusing thing to grasp. I wonder if anyone is fully aware. I don't think so. But this year on 9/11, I watched the history channel all day. Newscasts from that day were shown again, home videos from blocks away were viewed, survivors were interviewed. I watched people jump from the building, meeting their unfair fate either way. I saw the second tower get hit, and I watched them both collapse. I watched dust and debris fan out over the city, causing temporary blindness for everyone nearby. I saw people talking to their loved ones in their homes, watching this all happen, crying, terrified of what was happening. No one knew. No one was sure of what to do. It was heartbreaking.

Not that I can relate to the heartbreak that the families of the victims felt. Of course I can't. This is a lighter, realization-inspired type of heartbreak. The realization that more people died that day than I've probably ever met in my entire life. The realization that America isn't as invincible as we believed we were. The realization that it happened once, and it can happen again, anywhere in the world, and be equally as devistating.

Why am I talking about this? I do not know. Onto a lighter subject.


It's 1:04 am, and I should be in bed. Or at least doing something somewhat productive. I was just going over my NaNo playlist, which now holds 30 songs. I don't think they'll all make the final cut, but for now, I'm pretty sure most of them will fit my November novel. Here is the list:

Love Is A Place by Metric
Limit To Your Love by Feist
A Quiet Mind by Blue October
Running Up That Hill by Placebo*
Lullaby For The Taken by Kimya Dawson*
Yesterday by The Beatles*
Light Pollution by Bright Eyes
I Know I Know I Know by Tegan & Sara
Sea Of Love by Cat Power
The Thing About Love by Alicia Keys
The Movement Of A Hand by Bright Eyes
The World At Large by Modest Mouse
Call It Off by Tegan & Sara*
Buried Myself Alive by The Used
Piazza, New York Catcher by Belle & Sebastian*
Come To My Window by Melissa Ethridge*
Quiet World by Katatonia*
Southern State by Bright Eyes
Lime Tree by Bright Eyes
Come In Closer by Blue October
November by Azure Ray
The Ground Folds (Acoustic) by Senses Fail*
Breathe by Melissa Ethridge
The Truth About Heaven by Armor For Sleep
It's All Over But The Crying by Garbage
Mercury Rising by From Autumn To Ashes
Sorry Hearts by Blue October*
Holler by Blue October
Juno by Funeral For A Friend*
May Angels Lead You In by Jimmy Eat World*

The ones with asterisks next to them are the ones for sure staying on the list. Some of the songs (The World At Large, Piazza, New York Catcher, Juno, for instance) have no relation to the story itself, but they all give me a peaceful feeling, for some reason. In Juno, "And I'm nothing more than a line in your book." :D Haha. I love it.

Ramble ramble ramble. Can you tell I have no life? Well, I don't. Well, I sort of do. But not right now.

So, tomorrow, or rather today, I need to go to the bank, go grocery shopping, go to Borders, and go to Starship. To buy two CDs and some candles. Oh, and my mom has her mammogram tomorrow. I'm a little freaked out, though I'm trying not to be. Hopefully everything will be okay. High hopes for no breast cancer. Blah. :(

Wow, I've successfully killed my strange-good-weird-ramble-y mood. Oh, and so has http://www.breastcancer.org/. Blah blah blah, OKAY, time to go and distract myself...