I'm going to whine now.

About what, I do not know.

I just feel so... off-balance. Yesterday was such a great day, and I would've assumed that I would stay in a great mood, at least until today, but last night, I couldn't. I started feeling so shitty. I was getting really angry at absolutely everything for no reason, I was crying, I wasn't talking to anyone, and all I wanted to do was go to my room and lay in bed and not be forced to move for a few hours. So I did that, and I fell asleep until 10 this morning.

I didn't sleep off the feeling, though. Something is bothering me, really badly. I just can't figure out what it is.

I don't know what I want. I don't know what I need, even. At this point, I should be able to read myself better than anyone, but I can't. I can't read my own emotions, I can't figure out my wants/needs, and neither can anyone else. What the hell is it about me that has left me so confused and unable to untangle myself enough to figure myself out?


I want to move. I want to go somewhere. I want a new setting, new surroundings, new things to discover. I feel like I've seen everything here enough. Everything is too familiar. There is nothing new to discover where I am. I've discovered all there is. I'm ready to move on. I want new surpises, new scenes of beauty, new people, new feelings.

I've been thinking about moving for a long time now. I've been ready for a long time now. And you know, I don't think I'd even have to move. Just to get the fuck away from this place, I'm so sick of it, for just a few days, I would be temporarily satisfied. I would stop hating this place so much, I would stop wanting to run so badly. I could hold off on getting away for another few months, few years, something. I just need a break.

I've been thinking of asking my mother if she'll go on a small trip with me for my birthday. I honestly do not care where we go, as long as it is far from here. Somewhere out of the state of Oklahoma, somewhere I've never been (which is pretty much everywhere). I've been hesitant about asking her, though, because I know she'll tell me no. I'll be disappointed. And then I won't really care about my birthday. I'll have NaNo to focus on then anyway. November 20th. But still, I would love to get out of here for a weekend or something. Anything.

Blaaaaaaah. That is how I feel. I have bags under my eyes. I don't have anything else to say.