Guilt.

Right now, I am feeling consumed by the guilt of ruining an important part of my life. It was my choice to ruin it, I didn't do it on accident, but it's gone now, and I'm feeling shitty about it.

I always think that I'm the last person who would hurt someone else on purpose, but I feel like that is exactly what I did. I willingly let go, I let him say goodbye, I let that chapter of my life close without looking back once.

I'm not sorry that I fell in love with someone, but I am sorry that I left someone in pain in the process.

And this new chapter is wonderful, beautiful, amazing, but something tells me you didn't get over it as easily as I did, and that you're suffering while I'm happy. I'm sorry. I was no good for you in the first place. You and I, we had so much in common, yet somehow were so different, and I couldn't get over how opposite of me you were. I needed someone who was in sync with me, who felt the way I felt, and it wasn't you.

You tell me you won't stop loving me, but I wish you would. It would make your life a hell of a lot easier. Your love for me just holds you back. Don't force yourself to hold onto it. Find someone better. She's out there.


Either way, no matter what you do, I can't allow myself to feel guilty about it. We live different lives, and I let go of you a long time ago. As a lover, at least. As a friend... not so much. I will miss that. I will miss you. But I have to forgive myself for hurting you. I didn't want to, I didn't mean to, but it happened, and there isn't anything I can do about it now.

I'm forgiving myself.