Meow again.

Today is the first day I've woken up (and stayed up) before noon in over a week. I only got up for my brother, but I wrote a little bit, and now I can't fall back to sleep. Probably better to stay up anyway. I have things to do.

I have therapy today. I'm going to give her my journal, I think, because it explains things better than I can. I'm so awkward when I actually speak. >.< Well, to people of authority, at least. But she's really sweet, and deals with my stumbling over words and random five-minute-long pauses to play with a strand of my hair or stare out the window or write something down. Short attention span. Not with everything, though. Christmas is in a week. I still haven't done all of my shopping (good move, right?). I'll probably finish today, when Josh and I go out.

I have to be honest, after a nearly-sober Thanksgiving, I'm really not looking forward to Christmas. I can't drink at all right now because of my medication. I didn't really care when it was just Abilify, but I've been on Lamictal before and it is powerful and I fear it. Seriously. >.> I was talking to my mom about it yesterday, and she just laughed at me and said, "I guess living in fear is the best way to motivate you!" Oh yeah, that's nice. I hope she doesn't take advantage of that.

I've got a new idea for a short story. I don't know. It's barely anything right now, but I've got a few general ideas of how it could go. I might work on that soon, so that I'll have something else to do rather the flood my blog with pointless posts where I talk about how much I want to write but can't.

I say "I don't know" too much. I'm not as unsure of myself as I make it sound.

So I'm gonna get some orange juice and then curl up on the couch with a blanket and a notebook now. This makes me feel like a cat, I do not know why.

Oh, before I go, if reincarnation was real, I'd seriously want to come back as a cat. I already "meow" on a daily basis, probably numerous times, and I can purr, and I sleep a lot and like to cuddle... I would be the perfect cat. Goodbye. ;D


edit: Hi. I went to therapy. It was an interesting mix of "Holy fuck, I'm so happy!" and "Oh God, why am I so miserable?" Ahahaha...

I don't think this medication is working right!

Alsoooo, why do I feel so horribly inadequate compared to her? And who is comparing me to her other than me? Seriously. Someone should beat me or something.

Oh, back to therapy. I love Dr. Smasal, she is so fucking awesome.

Okay, done, bye.