I embarrass myself.

Too often.


Oh, before I go off on a rant about pointless bullshit, NEO actually isn't working. I did more damage than I did good! Go me, right?

And yes, Andy, the sticky goo thing was totally for you. >.>


Anyway, this isn't right.

Constantly, I feel this need to make myself into a different person for other people. If they're somewhat... dim, I try turn it down a bit. If they're ridiculously smart, I try to be, too (but it doesn't work very well and I end up looking like a fool, totally embarrassed and wanting to hide from them until the end of time).

I'm trying not to do that this time, even though the urge is worse than it has ever been.

Ah, I just don't want you to think I'm stupid.


I don't know why I do the "ah" or "oh" thing before my sentences. But I do it when I'm actually speaking, too. I don't like it.

I don't like a lot of things.

Why am I being so fucking critical of myself today?

I'll snap out of it soon. I wrote this thing on my Xanga addressing the fact that change was here, and I mentioned how I go crazy because I don't deal with it well, but I'm trying to do better now and not let it rule me completely.

From the liquor stores to the train stop floors
Your filthy room, your drama blues
I'm nothing if I'm not with you
Always right, always wrong
Dressing bad is like loving you:
There is nothing I haven't worn
Nothing I haven't said before

Telephone call.