Freezing.

NaNo update: 17,131 words as of November 3rd at 11:59 pm.

Today (er.. yesterday), I saw Dr. Smasal. It was good, until we got to a certain point. I don't know what came over me. I'm so emotional sometimes, and it comes from nowhere. From laughing, smiling, telling ridiculous stories, to hunched over, sobbing, not wanting to speak or think or breathe.

It was odd. I don't know what it was.

She says things that just seem... I don't know, maybe I should word this differently. It's like the things that everyone around me should be saying but never do. She says them. And it makes me even more sad, I guess, because she's my therapist. I don't see her as a therapist. I see her as a friend. But I'm afraid that once I'm out of therapy, I'll be just another past patient and I won't get to talk to her again.

That's how it happens, but I've never really had a relationship with one of my therapists quite like this before.

Eh, I don't know. Weird.


I'm tired. I didn't sleep much last night. I had these really bad thoughts circling through my head, and when I wasn't actually thinking about them, I just kept saying to myself, "Man, I can't let these fuck me up in the morning. I've got shit to focus on." That's what I've been thinking about... nearly everything that comes up. Hmm.

Bedtime.