Arg. :(

Patti wrote me a letter and gave it to me last night. I didn't read it until just now. It was so sweet, but it made me so sad. She went on about how I'm such a great friend, and such a beautiful person, and I just have to wonder how that is possibly true.

Half of the time, I'm annoyed with her "high school drama" as I typically call it, and my advice to handle the situation comes out in a harsh way, and I feel like a bitch afterwards but it's the only way I know how to handle it. The other half of the time, we're barely speaking because we're both busy, or just don't care, or something. She has seem me at my absolute worst, and who knows, maybe my absolute best, but too often, I'm at that spot at the bottom, and she can still call me a beautiful person?

...How?

I don't understand it. I don't think I really need to. If that's how she sees me, I should be happy. It was incredibly sweet, and very appreciated.


I feel off today. I have a slight idea why, but I'm hoping I'm wrong.

Tonight, I'm going to my dad's house to celebrate my birthday with him. I'm, hopefully, just going to get really drunk and pass out early. I don't feel like celebrating anymore. I don't feel like going over there. I don't feel like anything right now. :(

Anyone reading this should go listen to Fix You Up by Tegan and Sara. The first time they sing, "This love is all I have to give..." feels so incredibly sad (and true) to me. Ah, the whole song is so fucking good.

Fix You Up - Tegan and Sara

What do I
What do I
What do I need to do to see myself in a better mood?
And what do you
What do you
What do you need to do to get yourself in a better mood?

There's not a lot for you to give if you're giving in
And there's not a lot for you to feel if you're not feeling it
You bring it up
And bring it in
And we'll get you fixed up in no time.

What I wanted most,
What I wanted most,
What I wanted most was to get myself all figured out
And what I figured out,
What I figured out,
What I figured out was I needed more time to figure you out

There's not a lot for you to give if you're giving in
And there's not a lot for you to feel if you're not feeling it
You bring it up
And bring it in
And we'll get you fixed up in no time

This love is all I have to give
This love is all I have to give
This love is all I have to give
This love is all I have to give

There's not a lot for you to give if you're giving in
And there's not a lot for you to feel if you're not feeling it
There's not a lot for you to give if you're giving in
And there's not a lot for you to feel if you're not feeling it
You bring it up
And bring it in
And bring it in
And we'll get you fixed up in no...
We'll get you fixed up in no time

This love is all I have to give
This love...


Gotta get ready to go to my dad's.